


Not too far from home

by Pwyllxiety



Series: Dude, Iron Man is your Dungeon Master? [1]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: "teenager" Loki, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Field Trip, Irondad, It would be general if I didn't swear so much, spideyson, tony is the world biggest asshole dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:03:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18748642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pwyllxiety/pseuds/Pwyllxiety
Summary: ‘You’ll never guess who’s in the class I’m chaperoning.’ He texted.‘Who?’ Nat replied almost instantly.‘Our honorary murder sibling.’ Clint sent back. Knowing that Nat would know exactly who that was.‘Say no more.’ Came the reply, and then she went offline.





	Not too far from home

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is a weird fic, because I write angst right, so writing something fluffy, which could almost be viewed as bordering on crack fic is terrifying.

It just _had_ to be a field trip didn’t it, it could’ve been a research project, or an exam. But no, it was a field trip, to the Avengers tower.

He should’ve seen it coming, the lower levels of the building were the labs for Stark Industries, it was a hub for science, and it did indeed to educational tours- he’d seen quite a few when he was in the lab during school hours.

But of course, it wouldn’t be that easy for him to not go- because he _fucking_ lived there, he had since aunt May died. He supposed it wasn’t that weird, since the avengers tower did function as a company- it wasn’t like going on a field trip to MJ’s house, because that was _just_ a house. But his home, was not.

**“Hey Pepper, can you sign this?” Peter asked slowly.  
“Sure.” Luckily, she signed it without questioning it.**

So, that’s how he ended up on a school bus, heading back towards his house, which he’d left barely two hours before. He was chewing the inside of his cheek, trying not to think about what was about to happen.

Ned was happily chatting in the seat next to him, blabbering about something or other, a new season pass for some game; or so Peter had gathered. The bus came to a halt ten minutes later, and Peter sucked in a breath.

**This was going to be awful.**

“Okay, here are your visitor passes!” The receptionist, Emily- said brightly. Before pausing to look at Peter.

“Peter weren’t you just here?” She said sweetly.

“If you aren’t feeling well I can-” She started rambling.

“No- it’s fine, it’s a school trip.” He explained, trying desperately not to go bright red.

“Okay, do you have your badge?” She asked, and Peter nodded.

“You know, something, something, no reprints, blah, blah.” He replied, and she nodded.

“Good to see someone remembers the rules.” She said, staring pointedly at one of her co-workers. He rubbed his neck sheepishly.

“Sorry.” He sighed, and Emily laughed.

“You’re going to have to wait here for your tour guide, I’m afraid he’s running late, _again_.” She said with a smile.

They were stood in the lobby, looking a bit lost. Until he saw someone a little too familiar come out of the elevator.

Emily waved him over before he saw Peter. He couldn’t help but listen in.

“Clint, you live upstairs, how do you even manage to be late?” She complained.

Clint was the _fucking_ tour guide, and Peter really wishes he could disappear.

Nobody ever recognises Clint out of uniform, which is how he gets away with being the guide. His only noticeable trait being his hearing aids really. He wondered over.

“Hi, I’m Clint, tour guide and resident of Stark Tower! You’re from Midtown high- right?” He says. And the teacher nods.

“Right, let’s go then.” He says, almost missing a beat when he sees Peter.

Every ID had to been scanned and announced, as they enter the lift. Which passes without a hitch, almost everyone having level one. Peter goes rigid when he scans his pass.

“Peter Parker, level 10 clearance.” FRIDAY reported dutifully. He could feel the eyes burning into the back of his head.

“Good morning Mr Barton is this tour guide duty?” The AI says.

“Yep, FRI take us to the first lab floor.”   
The AI pauses.

“And Peter, you’re meant to be at school, contacting boss immediately.” She says.

“FRI.” He whines.

“Protocol override; tell Tony I’ll explain later.” Clint says, coming to Peter’s rescue.

The elevator rises to the first floor, and Clint basically pushes everyone else in Peter’s class through the door, before grabbing his collar to stop him going in.

 _“That’s your class?”_ He signed.

 _“Yep, you’ve met Ned though, haven’t you?”_ Peter signs back and Clint nods.

He opens the door and follows Peter into the lab.

Ned looks at him, but Peter tells him not to worry.

Clint pulls out his phone and opens Natasha’s contact.

**‘You’ll never guess who’s in the class I’m chaperoning.’ He texted.**

**‘Who?’ Nat replied almost instantly.**

**‘Our honorary murder sibling.’ Clint sent back. Knowing that Nat would know exactly who that was.**

**‘Say no more.’ Came the reply, and then she went offline.**

The class is still looking around the first floor when Nat finds Clint.

“It’s time to move on to the next floor!” Clint yells, and all the students come back to the door.

Peter looks at Natasha and she smirks at him. Ned looks at him in awe, recognising that it was black widow, and then piecing it together- realising that Clint was Hawkeye.

Peter could see Flash staring at Nat, and she clearly knew he was. It was time to activate her plan, embarrass Peter.

She walked straight up to him and looked him dead in the eye.

“It’s your turn to braid my hair tonight, Bucky pulls too hard.” She says loudly, before patting Peter on the head and disappearing as quickly as she’d come in. He could’ve died in that moment.

“What the fuck _Penis_!” Flash yelled. Clint looked at Peter and raised his eyebrow.

“I would uhm, be careful how loudly you say that.” Peter said flatly, a squeak hitting his voice mid-sentence. Clint ran his finger across his throat, still staring at Peter. In return he shook his head, alarm in his eyes.

Clint was ready to kill the kid, but since Peter seemed to think it was a bad idea, he’d lay off.

“Right, if you’re done-” _being an asshole._ Clint desperately wanted to add.

“-We can move right along!” He said.

They made it through the next few floors without incident, until they stopped for lunch in one of the towers’ cafeterias.

Peter had barely sat down beside Ned when a portal opened, and Thor dropped onto the table, quite literally.

“Young Peter!” Thor boomed ecstatically, and Peter tried to melt into his seat, very aware that they were staring at him and the God of thunder.

Thor was not deterred.

“Brother and the trickster mercenary want to see you!” He stated.

 _Loki and Wade_ he figured. Before Peter could say no the portal opened again and Thor basically dragged him through it.

The teacher looked at Clint, then back at the spot Peter had just been sat in. A frazzled and star struck looking Ned stared at the spot too.

“Uhm, let me make a phone call.” Clint said, pinching the bridge of his nose before leaving the room.

Tony picked up the phone after the first ring and Clint explained what just happened, he could hear Tony sigh on the other end and then the call ended.

He was stood next to Clint within the next five minutes, and they entered the cafeteria. Tony took out his phone and called doctor Strange, calling in a favour so the man could open a portal to bring Thor, Loki, Peter and Wade through, to where Tony was in the cafeteria. He obliged and moments later all four of them were back in the cafeteria. Well, dropping from the cafeteria ceiling that is. Tony wishes he’d been more specific.

Peter looked ruffled, Wade looked confused, Loki looked annoyed and Thor seemed indifferent.

“Sorry.” Peter said, staring Tony down with a look that said ‘If you embarrass me, you’re dead.’

Tony grinned at him, it was the biggest shit eating grin Peter had ever seen he concluded.

“Well now that I’m here, I may as well join the tour, not very often I get a young perspective of what’s going on round here.” He said- still looking at Peter.

“Mr Stark.” Peter squeaked.

“I thought we were past that whole Mr Stark thing? Considering that you’re also a Mr Stark now.” Tony said, his voice smooth and unwavering.

Oh, Peter was so going to kill him. But boy was it worth the mortified look that settled onto his face. All of Peter’s classmates seemed to be in some degree of shock or confusion.

“What- you didn’t tell them?” Tony continued, Peter could here the smirk in his voice.

Loki thought the entire situation was hilarious, he could feel the embarrassment rolling off Peter- and Wade seemed as confused as everyone else.

“Petey, you’re iron-dick’s son?” The mercenary asked.

Peter could’ve laughed at Tony’s face when Wade called him that.

“Uhm, kinda?” Peter replied slowly.

Wade looked even more confused.

“Dude, do you even know what adoption is?” Peter sighed.

“I do now!” Wade responded, smiling brightly.

Peter looked at Loki and mouthed help me.

Loki obliged, and a portal opened beneath Peter, sending him somewhere or other.

“What, he looked like he was going to die.” Loki said before opening portals for both he and Wade to leave through.

Tony looked at the teacher-

“Well, since I’m technically his guardian- he can stay with Loki and Wade.” Tony said.

“Though I really don’t approve of the friendship.” He continued, in a deadpan voice.

“Have a nice rest of trip! I have a demi-God to find.” Tony finished, leaving the room at once.

Clint sighed.

“Well, I guess it’s time for the tour to continue.” He instructed calmly, despite the confused sputtering of the teenagers behind him…


End file.
